Gab's Progress

Thank you

2007-03-08T22:49:00.000+08:00

Dear family and friends, this entry would probably be the final one posted in this blog. Gabreille went to be with the Lord today, 8th March, at 1610hrs. She passed away in hospital and the whole family and a few friends had been with her during the time leading up to her death.

When she was better, Gab used to set the alarm clock of her mobile at 3pm every afternoon. She did this to remind herself to pray the Divine Mercy Chaplet which she had grown very fond of during the last months of her life. It brought her much peace and consolation to pray to Jesus in this manner, and she would, besides praying for her own healing, pray also for the healing of other cancer sufferers and another patient whom she had grown close to during her many hospital admissions. That patient came to visit Gab last week when Gab was admitted, and Gab was very happy to see that she was doing well, because the last time we saw her, she was almost at death's door and fighting for her life. I think it encouraged Gab tremendously to see her friend well enough to be wheeled down in a wheelchair to visit her.

Today at 3pm my family and a few friends gathered around her bed and prayed together with her this prayer. We had been informed that her oxygen saturation was dropping since 1pm plus. This time, her breathing remained even and she was more peaceful. During that time of prayer, each of us got to whisper our own words into her ears, and tell her how much we love her and affirm God's presence with her.

She passed away peacefully shortly after. We know she is with God now. She has always chosen Jesus right up to the last days of her illness. When she lost her speech, the name of Jesus was the last few words on her lips. She has complete healing now, and she has perfect health. We will miss her, and we will have to cope with this loss, but we are peaceful too, coz we know that life doesn't end here. It's just the beginning of eternity for Gab, and we will join her too, in future.

Thanks all for journeying with us. God bless you.

The wake begins tonight at her home. Her funeral is on Monday 12th March.

Turned for the worse

2007-03-07T01:32:00.000+08:00

Tue (6/3): Somewhere between 6.30 - 7pm Gabreille's condition turned for the worse. Laboured breathing, non-responsive. The whole family was alerted and came to be with her at her bedside. Prayers were said to assist her in this time, and later in the evening, a priest friend came over to say more prayers.

It's 1.30 am, Wed (7/3), now and she remains the same. We want only God's peace and His best for Gabreille. Thank you for your prayers. We know that so many people are praying with Gab now and we want to tell you how grateful we are that you have generously kept her in your thoughts and prayers. Will continue to keep you updated.

Where there is life, there is hope

2007-03-06T10:25:00.000+08:00

Mon 5th March: From around 2am in the morning Gabreille's breathing became shallow and laboured. Her fever returned. She continued to sleep as before.

The tranquillizers were stopped and Gabreille was propped up to allow better lung expansion. She might have had some infection to her lungs, but the antibiotics seemed to help, coz towards the later part of the day her fever subsided.

It seemed to us as if Gabreille would pass on anytime, and we thought that if she could hold on, the longest would be till today, Tue 6th March.

Gabreille continued to be unconscious in the night, but would open her eyes fleetingly if turned, or moved or spoken to. She's also resumed moving her legs and hands weakly when she's aroused from sleep. Her breathing also seemed to have become less laboured.

(btw, the ultrasound showed that her liver is still inflammed. The doctor also informed us that the cancer had spread in her abdomen, and in her blood.)

Tue 6th March: In the early morning, Gabreille seemed to be breathing better and would open her eyes more often. We were praying for her in the night, and from some of your sms's I know that we weren't alone in our prayers. We have also started asking Padre Pio to pray for her too.

In the morning John 11:1-45 was read to her. At verse 4 she opened her eyes wide and made a sound in her throat. I belief she hears and understands. We also read Psalm 91 to her and she opened her eyes at various points of the psalm as well.

At 9.30am this morning, when her husband Alan arrived and spoke to her, she opened her eyes and seemed less drowsy. We are happy to see that she seems to look better this morning than she was yesterday.

That's the latest so far. Please continue to pray. I am so encouraged by all your messages of prayer and support, and have shared them with my mom, and will share with the rest of the family as well.

Will continue to keep you updated.

God bless!

Sedated and sleeping

2007-03-04T22:39:00.000+08:00

Some updates:

Gabreille was fighting sleep from 6pm Thursday (1/3) till 12noon Saturday (3/3). She managed to keep herself awake during that period eventhough she had been given strong tranquilizers to induce sleep. She would sit up in bed and refuse to lie down even though her eyelids drooped and her body swayed. When we managed to make her lie down, she'd close her eyes for a few minutes, then fight to get up again. I was amazed at her strong determination to stay awake. She mentioned on Wednesday that she didn't want to fall asleep because she was afraid she's never wake up.

She spent those few days awake, agitated and frustrated. Her speech progressively worsened also. By Friday, she could hardly speak a coherent word. Just sounds and occasional repetition of simple words that didn't necessarily reflect what she really wanted to say. The longest phrase she could say perfectly on Thursday night was "pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death, Amen."... which is the last part of the "Hail Mary". On Thursday night she'd also try saying part of the "Glory Be". She basically spent the whole night awake and half of it was spent uttering parts of those 2 prayers.

She didn't sleep on Friday and only slept for a total of 50 minutes on Friday night. By then she had been given quite a lot of sedation, but I guess her will to not sleep was so strong, she managed to keep herself awake. She was clearly in distress when she was awake and maybe it was a mixture of frustration from not being understood verbally, discomfort from the pain, and fatigue from sleep deprivation.

On Saturday (3/3), with some adjustments to the dosage of intravenous drugs, she was able to sleep from 12 noon onwards.

She has been sleeping from then till today, Sunday (4/3). It's a much needed rest, and we're relieved that she's getting some relief from her pain also.

On Saturday (3/3), she had an ultrasound of her liver. We'll know the results by tomorrow, Monday (5/3).

Her fever has subsided. She had no fever today. She's still on antibiotics for her infection.

She didn't eat well on Tuesday (27/2) and Wednesday (28/2). She hasn't been eating at all from Thursday (1/3)onwards, and is being hydrated by intravenous fluids. She's also being given medication to protect her empty stomach from her gastric juices.

When we let her wake up tomorrow, we'll try feeding her. If she can't take orally, the doctors plan to insert a nasogastric tube through her nose into her stomach to allow for tube feeding with a liquid diet. We hope she would be able to eat something.

Many church members and friends have been coming to her bedside to pray with us for Gabreille, and it has helped a lot. When Gab was awake she'd calm down everytime people came to pray with her. Now in her sleep I think she still follows the prayers.

She's received the last rites on Friday. It was a lovely session of prayer. She was awake then, and was calm. We're leaving it all to God now and we leave the outcome to His will. Whatever the outcome, we only want the best for Gabreille. Right now, we continue hope for the best and we are also prepared for the worst. We feel that all your prayers have been so helpful in helping Gabreille and the family. We feel peace amongst us. Gab's been sleeping, but she looks peaceful too. She smiled in her sleep once this evening - I didn't catch it, but her husband saw it... just for a fleeting moment.

Please continue to pray. We are very grateful for all your prayers. God bless you!

Please continue praying

2007-03-02T08:21:00.000+08:00

Gabreille's condition doesn't seem to have improved. Her speech has gotten much worse. She experiences pain in different parts of her body too. She feels very distressed about not being able to speak the correct words and express her feelings and thoughts to us. I think she feels trapped and very very scared of losing her mind, and scared of the worst. It's a very difficult time for her. It's been tough on the family too. For now, some privacy would be good for Gabreille and us.

But please continue to keep her in your prayers ok? We've told her that many people are praying for her. When she was better, she used to cheer up when she heard that people were praying or fasting for her. Now, she can't express that, but I know she wants people to never stop praying for her. She keeps indicating to us to keep praying, and she tries to utter prayers too, and I'm sure the Lord hears the words she wants to say in her heart.

Thanks. God bless you.

Hospital admission - infection, speech difficulties, liver

2007-02-28T22:43:00.000+08:00

Gabreille's been admitted to hospital since yesterday evening. She was having a temperature of 38.8 degrees, was dazed and drowsy, and was incoherent in her speech.

My mom accompanied her overnight in the ward. Gab had been dazed and drowsy since 11.30am yesterday, so when she woke up in the ward at night, she was confused and disorientated. The sudden deterioration in her vocabulary added to her anxiety and frustration. She spent most of the whole night awake, agitated, frightened and frustrated. In her own words, spoken on hindsight, Gab said she felt like she was going mad last night. She was trying to get out of bed and making a lot of noise and a few nurses and other patients had to help my mother to calm her down. She said she couldn't control her words and actions. That episode of confusion and disorientation scared her a lot.

This morning when I saw her, she was a lot calmer. Her speech remained impaired and I believe that is the biggest source of stress for her this time round. She finds conversations frustrating and therefore we don't stress her out with questions. We have learnt to just listen (and not interrupt) when she speaks, and wait for her to find the right words herself ... coz she still wants very much to express herself without interruption. I think she finds difficulty processing words so we try to lessen the "noise/clutter" in her head by just remaining quiet and waiting for her to find her words. Very occasionally we would gently prompt her with the words (if we're almost sure they are the words she's looking for), but we do that mostly only when she invites our help.

The fever is due to infection, but we don't know what infection. She's receiving antibiotics for that. Her confusion could be due to the infection too.

The doctors have arranged for a brain scan (probably tomorrow) to see if there's any changes with her brain involvement which could be causing her confusion.

She might have some problems with her liver too, and tests are being done to check her liver function.

Please continue to pray for her. We are really thankful for all your support and prayers. It's your prayers and support that are sustaining Gab and the family now. We remain hopeful and we know that God is always faithful. He hears all our prayers, so thank you very much for praying untiringly. God bless you all!

Dazed with fever

2007-02-27T18:30:00.000+08:00

Around noon time today, Gab became dazed and drowsy and very sleepy to the point of being verbally unresponsive. Her temperature has shot up very high. She's currently at the hospital's Emergency Department and doctors are examining her to find out the cause.

No chemo today

2007-02-26T21:50:00.000+08:00

Appointment with doctor today. Gab's white blood count was low, so instead of receiving chemotherapy, she was given an injection to boost the white blood count in her blood. She'll see the doctor again on Wednesday 28th Feb to check if her white blood count has risen, and if it has, she can receive the next dose of chemo (through the Omaya Shunt in her brain).

It's Gab's birthday tomorrow. She's been feeling a little low lately, so let's pray she feels better and more encouraged soon. Please pray for Alan, her husband, too as it is also a difficult time for him.

We've been having church friends coming over every Sunday at 3pm to pray together for Gabreille's healing and for the healing of others who are stricken with illness. It's a blessing, and of course we also are aware of the many others who pray in your own homes, here and overseas, for Gabreille. We are united with you in prayer and thank you once again for all your prayers.

(Thank you, Kat for emailing your sharing and testimony).

Brain Chemotherapy

2007-02-22T20:54:00.000+08:00

Gabreille had an appointment with her doctor (haematologist) today and received her first dose of brain chemotherapy. The chemotherapy drug was injected through the tube (Omaya Shunt) that was implanted in her brain last Thursday. No significant immediate side effects except for some giddiness. It was a day procedure and she is at home now.

Also, the past few days she's been experiencing occasional chest pains. She had an ECG (electrocardiogram) done which showed normal heart acitivy. So we think it's probably gastric related.

Please continue to pray for her.

By the way, I forgot to mention in my previous entries... Gab's short term memory is not as good as it was before, hence she sometimes requires the other person to repeat himself/herself in conversation. She also occasionally forgets common words that she wants to use and finds it frustrating when asked too many questions, or when faced with making decisions about her treatment.

Having said that, she is appreciative of the encouraging and caring text messages(sms) which many of you have been sending to her mobile. Thanks also for the encouraging and kind words you sent via email... I have conveyed your words and prayers to her. Thanks for showing that you care and that you remember her in your prayers. It's great to know, that because of you, our dear relatives and friends, that many people in different countries and continents are praying for her. Thanks for sharing her burden and for letting her know that she is not alone in this.

Discharged

2007-02-19T21:21:00.000+08:00

Gab's discharged and is resting at home now.

Description of the pain she experiences

2007-02-18T21:40:00.000+08:00

Gab took a look at this blog for the first time today, and wants to add a description of her pain. In my previous entries, I've described it as excruciating... and indeed it is. But that word alone may not fully describe what she experiences each time she has an episode of pain.

When Gabreille has the pain in her legs, it's unbearable. She's got a rolled up towel on her bed next to her pillow. When the pain comes, she bites on the towel to stifle her crying and her screams. Mama has been there on the many occasions when Gabreille was overwhelmed by pain, and mama tells me that when the pain comes, Gabreille can't help but scream and say that she feels like somebody's breaking her legs. It gets so bad that Gab shouts for help and sometimes she bangs her fists on the bed in agony, because of the excruciating pain in her legs.

It wears her out physically, emotionally and mentally. After she had the episode of pain on Friday night, when I saw her on Saturday (Eve of Chinese New Year), she looked very exhausted with dark circles under her eyes... when only the day before, she had looked well-rested and happy.

The doctors from the pain management team are Oncology (Cancer) trained and they understand cancer pain. They are the ones who came up with the regimen of drugs that helps keep the pain at bay.

Unfortunately, they are not the regular doctors who are in charge of Gabreille's care.... therefore, when Gabreille had the episode on Friday night, and the doctor on duty was called, the management of the pain was lacking and the doctor had the cheek to tell her that "pain is not a priority" after giving her some drugs that did not help. It left Gab feeling misunderstood, uncared for and unable to sleep because of the pain. It was only in the morning, when the doctor from the pain management team came to review her, that the proper drugs and dosage were given. The pain management doctor told her that the doctor on night duty had given too low a dose.

So I guess that when a doctor who was supposed to help, tells a cancer patient in her face that the pain she's experiencing is not a priority, it's really hurtful and leaves the patient feeling worse. Now I know why, when I saw her on Saturday morning, she had looked so haggard and exhausted. She had hardly slept that Friday night, because of the pain.

Putting myself in her shoes, I'd feel horrible. Nobody wants to suffer like this, but what's worse is the feeling of not being understood when you're suffering.

I can understand why Gab wants me to describe the pain in detail. Sometimes it's a comfort when the load is shared, and even if we don't feel the pain, it helps that we know what she's going through.

Thanks once again for the wishes and prayers you have sent via sms to Gab. She appreciates all your support. Let's keep hoping and praying for her.

Home leave - not discharge

2007-02-17T23:49:00.000+08:00

Hi all. Gab got to come home today (Saturday 17th Feb), but it was only for a "home leave" coz she wasn't well enough on Friday night. She had an episode of the pain again, and it was bad enough for doctors to decide that she cannot be discharged... hence the home leave for one day. She's just gone back into hospital tonight.

She's able to walk a short distance slowly with the aid of a walking frame, which is better than a few weeks back when she could hardly walk at all. But when she has the pain, it's excruciating and she can't walk and it zaps all her energy. We'll just have to continue praying for her. If it wasn't for the pain, it wouldn't be so tough on her.

Home for the Lunar New Year

2007-02-16T13:17:00.000+08:00

Gabreille can be discharged from hospital tomorrow ... the even of Chinese New Year. It's really good news. Thanks, everyone, for your prayers.

Smooth Surgery and Birthday!

2007-02-15T22:49:00.000+08:00

The operation went smoothly. Gab's doing well and has started taking solid food with no problems.

Papa arrived this morning and Ah Leong arrived this afternoon, so by evening, the whole gang was here.

Today's also Clarice's birthday! We had her presents waitng for her at the hospital. Had an impromptu family gathering with photos and all and even had "kacang putih" from the local 7-Eleven!

Can you spot a little pot of soil and seed? From yours truly... ;>
Besides that she received yummilicious chocolates, a game, her favourite Princess magazine and her best present... a new Gameboy! Gab looked kinda worried there for a moment..haha!

Oh well, it was nice.

Regained sensation in left leg & brain surgery today

2007-02-15T13:58:00.000+08:00

Visited Gab at the hospital this morning. She's in good spirits and not anxious at all about the surgery today. Hasn't eaten anything since 12 midnight last night ... to keep her stomach empty in preparation for the general anaesthetic that she'll be given for the operation today.

She says that the last few days she's been able to walk with assistance and has regained some sensation in her left leg. The "feeling" in her left leg (previously numb and very weak), is almost the same as her good right leg now.

Praise God!

Am sure the surgery will go well.

Brain surgery scheduled

2007-02-13T22:38:00.000+08:00

Okay... latest news. The surgery to insert a tube into Gab's brain (Omaya Shunt = name of the tube) is scheduled on Thursday 15th Feb. Time - uncertain.

This tube will be used as a channel to inject chemotherapy medication into her brain.

Please pray for the best.

RadioTx - Day 5

2007-02-13T17:35:00.000+08:00

Radiotherapy Day 5. Still hospitalised. No significant changes. Gab's comfortable and resting. Doctors say she might be able to go home for Chinese New Year, but it's all tentative.

The date for her brain surgery for the Omaya Shunt is not finalised yet.

Thank you

2007-02-11T07:49:00.000+08:00

Thanks to those who've conveyed their prayers and support. Feel free to leave anymore words of support and encouragement in the comments section ok? I'll try to write faithfully, and positive messages would definitely encourage me to keep this blog going.

Radiotherapy - spine

2007-02-11T07:34:00.000+08:00

Gab has actually been started on a daily dose of radiotherapy to her spine since Wednesday 7th February. She's received 3 doses so far (Wed- Fri). No radiotherapy over the weekend. Radiotherapy will resume on Monday 12th February. The plan is to give her 6 daily doses that'll end on Wednesday 14th Feb.

Then the doctors will decide if she's fit for an insertion of an "Omaya Shunt" into the cistern of her brain. This involves a minor surgery (brain surgery). It's for the purpose of administering chemotherapy directly into her brain... a much more effective means of killing the cancer cells in there. Please pray okay? Right now, Gab's willing to go for it, and we're supporting her in her decision.

It's been a good 2 days

2007-02-09T21:25:00.000+08:00

When I visited her this evening, she was sleepy but in good spirits. It has been 2 pain free days! She's had a good night's sleep and related that she would have slept on if she had not been woken up at 6am in the morning by a frustrated elderly patient, two beds away, who found solace in picking a quarrel with the night nurse and calling her"fat". Gosh! What next? That's hospital humour for you!

Anyway, mama's been at the hospital, by her side, everyday for a week now. Mama's very strong and prayerful and she's been holding up well. It's less of a worry knowing that she's there to accompany Gab in the day.

The story so far

2007-02-09T20:17:00.000+08:00

Thank you, our dear relatives and friends for giving us your support and keeping Gabreille and my family in your thoughts and prayers. With Gab's permission, I've created this blog for the purpose of sharing with you about her progress so far.

Just to recap, Gab was diagnosed with Non-Hodgkins's Lymphoma in June 2006. Further tests identified the Lymphoma as the aggressive type (not the indolent type). She began chemotherapy soon after diagnosis, and the whole course lasted 4 months. She responded very well to chemotherapy and remained very positive and optimistic throughout.

By end October, she was already looking forward to remission and couldn't wait to return to work in the next couple of months. We happily went shopping for her new work clothes and she was slowly regaining the weight that she had lost during chemotherapy...everything seemed to be going well.

In early November 2006, during an outing, she started to experience pain over her left eye, and her legs started to ache. It became progressively worse over the days and on 3 occasions she was rushed to hospital because the pain became unbearable. The doctors couldn't identify the cause and could only give her painkillers each time. Finally, she was admitted and had a brain scan on the 18th of November. The scan showed that she had a rare case of CNS Lymphoma (Brain Lymphoma). By then, she was experiencing "double-vision", and worsening of the nagging pain in her legs.

The prognosis was:
1. 3 to 4 months survival if she chose not to undergo treatment.
2. 40% chance of 4 to 5 years survival if she agreed to aggressive therapy.

We chose the latter.

Treatment given:
1. Chemotherapy injected directly into her spine 3 times a week.
2. Radiotherapy to her brain.

December 2006:
She responded well to treatment and by the end of 2 weeks of chemo and radiotherapy, her symptoms had significantly decreased. A few days later, she had a brain scan done and to our dismay, it showed that the Lymphoma was still there in her brain. The doctors could not give her anymore radiotherapy to her brain as it would have been damaging.

She continued to receive the spinal chemotherapy to contain the disease and to control the pain in her legs.

In late January 2007, the pain in her legs worsened and she lost the strength in both her legs and so, was not able to stand. She was admitted to hospital for pain control and experienced both pain-free days and days when the pain became excruciating. She has lost sensation and movement in her left leg, but still experiences pain in both limbs.

Most recently, just 4 days ago, after monitoring her pain closely, a great team of dedicated and caring doctors from the pain management unit was able to control her pain with a strictly titrated regime of drugs. The last 2 days have been relatively good for Gabreille, with the pain held at bay. We are thankful for that.